I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
