I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
