My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
