so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize