He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
