In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize