I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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