i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The adults are the big ones right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
