He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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