i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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