***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
