but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize