tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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