I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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