Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
