You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
