we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
