He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
