highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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