my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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