Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
