he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
