My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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