I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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