I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
