Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
