woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize