Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
