your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my being single is dangerous.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
