First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
