I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
