like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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