I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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