There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just tell him i said nine months
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
