i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
