i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
