I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
