Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
from now on my penis is your penis
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
