I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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