i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
