i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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