sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize