i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
