her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
