im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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