also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
