im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
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