i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
