Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
