508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
