I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
