Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
be right there i have to get my cape
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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