If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
