and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize