Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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