i think my mom watched the whole time
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
