I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
