i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
