Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
