i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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