somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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