thus making me awesome and them whores
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
