We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
