your parents love me but you hate me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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