I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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