i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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