i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
