Me too!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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