I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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