Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
