Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
