I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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