Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
