I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
