apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
