Can i not drive my cunt home
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I could make wine with my vomit
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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