He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
