Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize