my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
