HIV tests are more positive than that guy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
