But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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