i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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