pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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