just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
