One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
