well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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