the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
