party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
too bad you live with your parents still
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
