I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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