I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize