what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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