make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
