I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
