my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
